Trigger, p.11
Trigger, page 11
“Don’t call me that.” He blinks a few times before he starts pacing the room. “This is so fucking stupid.” He laughs and my skin prickles. That’s not a laugh of a happy man. A man who was just asked to move in with his girl.
“It’s not. It’s called growing up. I need a job, Trigger.” I lean back against the wall and he glares at me.
“You’re trapping me.”
“I’m not trapping you!” I shriek. “I’m taking my life where it needs to go and I want you along for the ride!”
“No.” He says it like it’s such a simple decision. “I’m not getting trapped. I can’t do this.”
“You can’t do what?” My heart’s hammering but he just looks at me, his jaw twitching. “You can’t do what, Trigger!” I shove him and his hands clasp around my wrists tight.
“Don’t. Fucking. Shove. Me.” He growls.
“What the fuck can’t you do?” I’m seething.
“You.” He takes a large step back. “We’re done.”
“Done?” I yell. “Done! We’re in love, you asshole!” I shove him again and this time he lets me. “You can’t just be done with someone you love!”
“I never loved you.” He shakes his head. “Have a good life, Sienna.” He steps back a few paces before turning and walking out the front door of my apartment.
“Trigger!” I scream, chasing after him. “Get back in here so we can talk!”
He turns, anger, sadness, and pity written all over his features.
And yet his eyes still void.
“Snowflake, Sienna.” His words rip me to my core.
“What the fuck did you just say?” My fists tighten at my sides. We’ve been through the push and pull of our future before. I assumed he’d be on my track. I’m not proposing kids and marriage!
“I said what I meant.” His nostrils flare and I shove at him but he doesn’t budge.
“Fuck you,” I spit out. “Fuck you, get the fuck out of my life!”
I wait until he storms away to let myself fall apart.
***
The shower water’s running cold when I finally turn it off and step out but my body’s gone numb.
Our breakup wasn’t just a breakup. It was a complete break in my life. I didn’t know what to do with myself without Trigger in my life, which is insane because before Trig I had it planned out.
I fell hard after him. Moved back in with my parents, missed plenty of job opportunities because I couldn’t get off my bed long enough to go in for the interviews.
He ruined me. And he doesn’t seem to care.
And yet, I’m still addicted to him.
“Something’s wrong with you,” I tell the girl in the mirror staring back at me. Her cheeks are pink, her wet hair is hanging at her shoulders and her large brown eyes look satisfied with what took place last night. And with what’s currently taking place in her heart.
I wrap a towel around myself and swing the door open, expecting to see Trigger still in bed.
But no one’s here.
“Hello? Trigger?” I call out. It’s silent.
He left again.
With a huff, I walk across the room to the large bed, my eyes scanning the multiple sex dungeon style surfaces to tie someone to as I pass by. My belly swirls as I picture him tying me on them, fucking me like he did last night. The pain. The pleasure. The pure ecstasy I know only he can give me.
A note’s waiting for me on the pillow as I approach the bed.
Sienna,
There is food in the kitchen, just off the bathroom hallway. I will be back.
-Trig
He will be back? When? And where the fuck did he go? I head for the only door in sight and try to open it, but it’s locked from the outside somehow. The windows are too high for me to try to escape from, and as I search the rest of the building, I realize there’s only one way in and one way out of this place.
And it’s locked tight as fuck.
And that’s when it dawns on me. The phone call from last night.
He’s leaving.
And he left me locked in here while he’s gone.
Chapter 8
Trigger
“I need your help, man.” Panicked, I look out my window and across the street.
She fucking lives across the street from me! I thought I was seeing things when I pulled her ID out of her wallet and checked. Right across the fucking street. Go. Fucking. Figure.
“What’s new?” He props his feet on my counter, a move which I’d usually yell at him for but my brain can’t take much more this week. My heart’s shredded again for the stupid move I pulled, and the even stupider one this morning when I left her locked in there, free and not bound.
“I’m leaving in the morning.” I check my phone for an update from my agent and there’s nothing yet. “I need you a few more days than we had planned.” I also need you to give me fucking advice on what to do here. I can’t do that, though. Because I know the minute I tell him he’s going to tell me I have to let her go. Break it off for good and let her live her life. Because I’m not capable of living the life she needs. Never have been. Never will be.
But I have her back and I can’t let her go. That’s the problem.
You can teach an old dog new tricks, right?
“Yeah, sure.” He mutters, kicking his feet down and standing tall. “I’ve gotta head to work. You free later?”
I wonder if she knew I lived here. I wonder if she’s ever tried looking in my large window that faces her apartment to see who lives on the other side of the darkened glass.
“Earth to Trig?”
I flash my gaze to Kaden.
“Yeah.” He smiles and I shake my head, out of it. “I’m sorry, what?”
“You alright, man?”
No. I’m not alright.
“I’m fine. But uh, no. Not around tonight. And I have to head out.”
I don’t wait for him to leave. I head out, repeating her apartment number over and over until I’m standing in front of it. It wasn’t hard getting past the doorman and up to her floor. This isn’t a high security apartment, but the fact that they have a doorman and someone checking ID’s tells me whatever this fiancé douche of hers does, it brings in more money than I had originally thought.
Money’s not an issue for me anymore, but it used to be.
Hell, everything used to be a fucking issue for me. Everything before Sienna.
***
“Dad, I’m out of lunch money.” I hate asking, but I’ve been out for two weeks and I’m ashamed to ask my teacher for more money. A ten year old boy shouldn’t have to live like this.
“Go fuck yourself,” he mumbles, face first in the bed. I want to scream. I want to hit him. My dad, the useless piece of shit I was unfortunate enough to have to live with.
“Ten bucks, come on please.” I feel like dirt. I haven’t eaten a full meal in a week or two and have been snacking on people’s leftovers after lunch is over just to get something in my stomach. My teacher’s given me a few bucks here and there so I don’t go completely hungry, but it’s not her place to do that.
It’s his.
The man sits up, eyes red and sunken into his face, wrinkles covering every inch of his cratered face, and I have to try not to cringe. I don’t know this man. My father, or Derek, as the girls call him, never was a real father to me. He’s hated me since the day I was born. He hated he was stuck with a needy human. It wasn’t until I was a few years old that he realized he could use me to get further in his game. In the business, as he calls it. Now he’s watched his son grow into a boy that doesn’t want anything to do with the family business and he’s pissed beyond belief at me for it. Not that he was ever happy towards me, but he’s only been nasty since I took a stand and said enough is enough.
“You can starve to death for all I care.” He sneers, slowly standing from the bed. I’m frozen in my spot. “Another burn for asking me for shit, you fucking child.” He pushes the burning end of a cigarette I didn’t even know he was holding. I try to shove him off, but he’s still stronger than me so I end up biting back tears until my skin stops melting under the burning ashes. The minute he lets me go I stumble out of the room and straight for the bathroom to clean it up. I don’t know how I’m going to hide this tomorrow at school. It’s big, and on my neck. I’ve covered plenty of bruises, scrapes, burns and cuts before but he’s getting rougher now and bold about where the injuries occur.
I do my best to clean it and bandage it up, then tiptoe back to my room.
“It’s time,” a woman says as I close my door behind me, almost making me jump out of my skin.
“Who are you? Why are you in my room?” I press my body back against the door.
“Your father gave you to me for the next hour. He owes me.” She walks towards me and pushes against me and I squeeze my eyes closed.
Not again.
***
I hate myself for what I let happen in that house.
I hate myself even more for what I’ve done to Sienna. Both in the past and currently. I’m walking through her apartment when from around the corner a black cat darts and heads straight for my feet.
“Jesus, dude!” I almost kick it across the room, but hold back because I don’t want her to have to pay the vet bill.
What the hell is she doing with a cat? She’s never liked cats!
I take my time walking through her place, cataloguing everything she deems important in her life now.
Which isn’t much. Her bare walls are a stark contrast to the eclectic taste she had years ago. Back then she found importance in everything and had a hard time getting rid of anything that held any value to her. She kept it all.
But here… Hell, there’s only one picture of the happy couple sitting on a mantle.
And…Fuck, this fiancé looks like an asshole.
He took her to Paris? Fucking tool. How long has she known this guy? Does she really love him?
Doubtful. You can’t love two people at once.
And the look in her eyes told me exactly what I thought last night.
The girl’s still in love with me.
She still belongs to me.
I don’t know how long I stare at the picture of them. Together. Looking so happy under that fucking monument. Rage rolls full force, into a boil of jealousy that makes me take the photo and smash it to the ground then stare at the broken glass.
Broken shards of a life.
What I left myself with when I walked away from the best thing I never deserved.
***
“Dude,” Kaden snaps. I stormed into his place, pissed not even the right word for how I’m feeling. “What the fuck is your deal?” He watches me pace the living room, head for a beer, chug it, then rummage through the pantry for the bottle of Hennessy. “Trigger, slow the fuck down and talk to me, man.”
I glare at him, then bring the bottle to my lips with shaking hands. My body isn’t processing what just happened because I didn’t wait for my heart’s reaction to speak. My programmed brain did the one thing it’s been trying to do since I met her. It ruined us. With one fucking word.
“I safe worded us.” I swallow another gulp with a hiss and shake my head. “I fucking safeworded us.” I’m going to vomit.
“You…have safe words?” Kaden looks more confused than I am destroyed, and that’s a hard thing to do.
“Yeah.” I down the rest of the bottle, my throat burning, screaming at me to stop, but I grab another bottle. “And I don’t want to talk about it.”
I know why I did it. It was a knee jerk reaction to me not thinking that I deserve a girl like her. But I do. I fucking deserve her and she loves me.
But I safe worded out relationship because…fuck, I don’t even know why! Because I didn’t want her to trap me? That’s not true. I’d be happy with her trapping me! Take me, all of me, and love me as much as I love you!
But I didn’t say that, did I? I screamed at her for trapping me, then I safe worded her. A word you don’t fuck around with. A word that isn’t taken lightly between the two of us.
A word that ruined us.
“Slow down, Trig, I don’t want to clean up your puke in a half hour when all this shit comes up.”
I glare at Kaden through glassy eyes and nod.
“Yeah.” I toss the bottle to the counter. “Wake me in a week.”
Maybe by then it’ll stop hurting.
***
It never stopped hurting. And as I stand here, staring at the girl I can’t stay away from, I’m convinced it never will.
“Sienna,” I whisper, walking over to the bed where she’s curled under the blankets. I fed her cat, watered the flowers she had on her windowsill…but I didn’t clean up the picture. Even once we go south again, I want her to know I’m not okay with this tool in her life.
I’m not okay with any other guy in her life. Selfish, yes, but if she won’t take me as I am then she doesn’t need anyone else.
She rolls over, her tired eyes cracking open. I expect her to jump up. I expect her to be pissed. I expect some type of anger and lust fueled reaction that she’s so good at giving me.
So when she scoots over and pats the bed next to her, my heart starts to hammer. What the hell does she want?
I don’t like the unknown.
“A little longer,” she whispers, then closes her eyes, apparently expecting me to lie next to her.
“Sienna,” I say again, and all I get out of her is a giggle and a slight shake of her head. She won’t even open those goddamned beautiful eyes and look at me!
“A nap, Trig. You remember those, right?”
God, I fucking do. Those used to be my favorite. Middle of the day, windows open, wrapped in her arms and drifting off to sleep. Then we’d wake and fuck like we hadn’t fucked in years.
I blink, looking down at this fucking goddess in my bed, and with a heavy sigh I resign myself to the urge to be close to her once again. Sliding off my shoes, my jeans, and my shirt, I crawl next to her and wrap the blanket around us. She pushes her ass against me and I smirk. She didn’t want a nap.
She wanted kink.
And I can do that way better than that tool of hers.
“What’s his name?” I whisper, trailing my fingers down her arm. She shifts and looks at me and I smirk. “The fiancé. What’s his name?”
“Are you serious?”
“Dead.” I reach around and cup her tit. “I need to know who I’m murdering for touching what belongs to me.”
She gasps, spinning in my arms, and makes a move to shove me off the bed, so I clasp her wrists with my hands and shift my weight on top of her. My erection is pressed against her and her breasts are rising and falling with each heavy breath. Her hands are pressed against the mattress above her head.
“I don’t belong to anyone,” she whispers, but her body betrays her as she arches up to meet me. I chuckle, grinding my hips down and against her hot, wet pussy.
“Keep telling yourself that, sexy.” I slam my lips to hers and grind my dick against her pussy, a thin sheet the only barrier that unfortunately was twisted between us. I need to be in her. I need to remember what it feels like when she comes around my dick.
Last night was too long ago. I need more.
“Trigger,” she gasps. I suck my way down her neck, to her tits, around her nipples. Fuck, these tits.
“I’ve missed these,” I murmur, flicking my tongue over the hardened peaks. She moans, arching her back to me. I bite down, hard, and pull, making her scream from pain. Pain that’s turning into pleasure as she rides out the initial sting. “Like that?”
“God, yes,” she murmurs, stretching out under me, pushing up against me.
“My pain slut,” I mumble, biting my way up her neck, leaving a trail of marks. “Don’t.” I push my lips to hers. “Move.”
I slide off her and storm across the room, grabbing what I need and climb back up her body. I pull the blanket aside, revealing her creamy soft skin, and bite back a moan.
With precision, I pinch on the first set of clamps, tight around her nipples.
“Oh fuck,” she moans, arching against the pain. “Holy shit!”
“Just relax,” I whisper, blowing on them gently while my hands sneak up and handcuff her to the bedpost. She squirms under me, her eyes flashing to mine and it makes me miss a beat, forgetting what I was even doing for a moment. Wrapped in her gaze, I feel like we’ve been doing this song and dance for the majority of my life. It feels like there wasn’t a ten year gap, ripping us apart.
I pull my gaze away from her when I hear her phone ringing.
“That the tool?”
“His name is Jared.” She gasps when I tug at the chain.
“Stupid.” I push her legs apart. “Fucking.” I spread her open, her pussy is glistening. Hot. One clamp pinches on the left lip, the final clamp on her right. She gasps, moaning. “Name.” I tug at the chain, pulling on all her most sensitive points, the claws of the clasps digging into her soft flesh.
I stand from the bed, watching her writhe under the pain of the clamps.
“You’re beautiful,” I murmur, stroking my dick. “So fucking beautiful.”
“Trig,” she pants. Every time she takes a deep breath, her breasts rise enough to tug at the chain and make her body arch when the clamps tighten and pull.
“Every time you tug on those bad boys, they tighten. You know that?” I reach out and pull hard on it then slide my fingers down her stomach, over her mound, and slide them into her soaking pussy. “You love it, don’t you?”
“Yes, Sir,” she whispers.
My fingers slide out of her, glistening.
“I need you, Sienna,” I almost choke out. I didn’t mean to mumble those words. I didn’t mean to feel so vulnerable. But I am.
Around her, everything’s at risk.
“Fuck me, Trigger.”
Three words. One word ruined us. But three…three might be able to fix us.
I crawl up her body, kissing my way to her lips and sliding inside her, tugging at the clamps with every thrust. Her cries ring out in the room, her body responds to my touch, and her pussy starts to tighten almost immediately, putting her right at the edge.
