Say something, p.1
Say Something, page 1
Say Something
Jade Winters
Say Something
by Jade Winters
Copyright 2014 by Jade Winters
www.jade-winters.com
Published by Wicked Winters Books
All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the author.
All characters in this publication are fictitious and any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
Other titles by Jade Winters
Novels
143
A Walk Into Darkness
Caught By Love
Guilty Hearts
Novellas
Talk Me Down From The Edge
Short Stories
The Makeover
The Love Letter
Love On The Cards
A Story Of You
For Ali
Who always believes.
What we remember from childhood we remember forever -
permanent ghosts, stamped, inked, imprinted, eternally seen.
Cynthia Ozick
Chapter 1
Jessie shifted onto her side to face Toni, and immediately regretted the movement as a sharp stone poked her hip through the threadbare blanket on which they lay. The old beige blanket seemed like the perfect camouflage since it was almost the same colour as the tall wheat stalks that stood over them, gently whipping back and forth in the wind, concealing them from prying eyes.
Jessie suppressed the urge to let out a scream as she edged the stone away from underneath her and settled back into position. A tingling sensation raced through her as she let her hand glide across Toni’s open shirt.
“Do you like that?” she whispered into Toni’s ear as she gently caressed her breast.
Toni writhed beneath her touch. “Hmm, that feels nice, but if I’m honest it would be much better if you stopped talking and just got on with it.”
“Sorry.” Jessie slid her hand away from Toni’s breast and slowly seared a path down her taut abdomen, coming to rest between her thighs. She snuggled against her, feeling heady with excitement as she grazed her lips against the smoothness of Toni’s neck. It had only been two days since they had last explored each other – an eternity Jessie thought would never end.
Toni turned towards Jessie, her finger tenderly tracing the outline of her cheek. “I didn’t mean what I said in a horrible way – you’re good at what you do, Jess. I just wish you would stop double guessing yourself all the time.”
The gentle touch of her caress made Jessie feel jittery inside. “I’m sorry.”
“And stop saying sorry, silly.” She clamped her hand over Jessie’s, stopping her fingers in their tracks. “Look, why don’t we try again tomorrow night? Come to my place; my parents won’t be home. They’re going to play darts.”
Jessie’s heart began to pound wildly in her chest. “No, I want to do it now. I promise I won’t talk anymore.”
Toni held Jessie’s gaze steadily. “Don’t say it like that. I love hearing you talk, just not when I’m trying to get off.” Before Jessie could respond, Toni pressed her forefinger against Jessie’s lips. “Please don’t say sorry!” She laughed affectionately at her. “Now, finish me off before I explode.”
Minutes later, as Toni lay breathing unsteadily between parted lips, Jessie smoothed back a loose strand of hair from her damp forehead. “I wish we could stay here all day.”
“So do I, but we can’t,” Toni said, arching her back as she pulled her knickers up. “Unfortunately, we have to go back to school.”
A loud honking sound from a car filtered through the trees that shielded them from view of the road, causing Toni to quickly sit up and poke her head above the tall stalks, her eyes darting nervously from left to right.
“How many times are you going to keep checking?” Jessie asked with a laugh as she pulled Toni back to the ground, laying her arm across her waist. “I’ve told you a thousand times, no one knows about this spot, okay? You can relax.”
Jessie watched Toni as she closed her eyes and tilted her chin in the air, basking in the sun’s rays. Though both girls were the same height, that’s where their similarities ended. Whereas Jessie had thin dark brown hair that she wore in an uneven cut, Toni’s thick sandy blonde hair fell in waves almost to her waist and coiled at the ends. Jessie’s eyes were a dull brown, whereas Toni’s were full of life and the shade of a tropical sea. Toni’s provocative, long-limbed body was every girl’s dream while Jessie’s small bust and chicken legs were their worst nightmares – that’s why, unlike Toni, who loved nothing more than to wear short skirts and tight tops, Jessie kept her body well covered. Despite Jessie’s reservations about her own body image Toni was always telling her how beautiful she was. Who was she to argue? As the saying went “beauty was in the eye of the beholder”.
“Do you think if Mrs Clark hadn’t paired us together to work on that presentation for Pride and Prejudice, we would have become friends?”
Toni’s eyes flickered open momentarily. “Who knows?”
“I don’t think we would have.”
How could they have? She wasn’t stupid. She realised that Toni was way out of her league. Toni was one of those typical cool girls who had everything – perfect hair, perfect teeth, trendy clothes and loads of friends. She had the whole package and everyone wanted to be just like her – Jessie included.
Toni tore at a piece of wheat and stuck it in her mouth as she stared through narrow eyes up towards the blue cloudless sky. “Well, if that’s what you think, why bother asking me?”
Jessie gave a resigned shrug. “Dunno. I just can’t get over how differently you act when you’re not surrounded by your friends. You seem like a different person.”
Toni looked at her meaningfully. “Not everything is how it seems, Jess.”
“Ain’t that the truth.”
“What about you? You’re a lot different when you’re drunk. Isn’t that the same thing?”
“Yeah, I s’pose.”
If it hadn’t have been for Toni wanting to see her get drunk for the first time, their first kiss most probably would never have happened. It was the bottle of rum Toni had stolen from her dad’s cabinet that had been responsible for a giddy and excitable Toni suggesting they practise French kissing. Nothing could have prepared Jessie for the explosion of their first kiss as an ache was sparked, turning Jessie’s world upside down as things went further than she would have ever expected.
Though Jessie had enough self awareness to realise boys weren’t her thing, she would never have told anyone, not even her mum. Finding out that Toni was like her had made her feel almost normal. It hadn’t bothered her that Toni had sworn her to the utmost secrecy; she totally got it. Toni had a lot more to lose than she did. When Jessie had said she wouldn’t tell a living soul about them, she had meant it with all of her heart.
Jessie rolled over onto her back, sighing heavily. “One of these days, you won’t be ashamed of me.”
Toni threw the long stalk aside before leaning over and resting her chin on Jessie’s chest. “What are you talking about? I’m not ashamed of you, Jess – I just don’t think it would go down well if people found out about us. It’s sad, but others don’t understand people like us – that’s just the way life is.”
“You do like doing what we do, don’t you?” Jessie asked as casually as her pounding heart allowed her to.
Toni’s face took on a serious expression. “You know I do ... more than anything.”
“Do ... do ... you do it with anyone else?”
Toni averted her eyes before leaning back and reverting to her laying position. Her fingertips nervously played with the black beaded bracelet Jessie had given her for her sixteenth birthday. “Don’t be silly, of course not.”
Jessie waved her hand, trying to make light of the conversation. “I mean, it wouldn’t matter if you did. I wouldn’t blame you, really. You can have anyone you want.”
Toni frowned. “Jess, I don’t want anyone else.”
Jessie gave her a sideward glance. “I just meant...”
Toni raised her eyebrows at the unspoken suggestion. “I know what you meant.” She pushed herself into a sitting position, a tight expression covering her features as she tossed her hair over her shoulder and began rummaging through her school bag.
Jessie recognised the gesture as a signal that Toni didn’t want to talk anymore. The familiar feeling of self-disappointment hit her again. Idiot. Why do you always have to over-think things?
***
“Hey, look who it is – Billy No Mates!” a shrill voice Jessie recognised all too well called out from behind them as she and Toni walked along the high street, heading back to school. They both spun around as Nicole and a group of girls headed towards them like a swarm of bees.
“Shouldn’t you be hiding under a rock or something?” Nicole, a tall, gangly girl with two long golden plaits, shouted in Jessie’s face as her group came to a standstill in front of them.
Claire, a short spotty girl, looked Jessie up and down, her features cruel and twisted with malice. “Not even the creepy crawlies would want to hang out with her.”
“Who could blame them? Look at the way she dresses. She looks like an old hag,” Joanne, a frizzy-haired redhead, said, pointing at the unflattering long pleated school skirt and over-sized cream knitted jumper that Jessie wore.
Jessie stole at sideways glance at Toni, who stood idl
Claire roughly grabbed Jessie’s satchel from her arm and began to rummage through it. “What have you got in here then? Your grandma’s knitting needles?”
Laughter erupted amongst the girls as they howled at the comment like hyenas.
“Look, she’s a mute,” Claire said, jabbing her in the ribs, causing her to shrink back.
Don’t you dare cry, a small voice inside Jessie’s head instructed as she felt a prickling sensation behind her eyes. She clenched her jaw, curling her hands into tight fists, her fingernails digging into her palms.
“What’s up, Tone? You hanging out with the school weirdo now?” Joanne asked Toni, before turning back to look at her friends with raised eyebrows.
Toni walked into the centre of the small crowd of girls who had formed a circle around them. “Fuck you, Joanne. I just bumped into her. We were just talking about the test next week.”
“What’s the point of her taking any tests? No one will ever employ her. She’ll most probably be like one of those crazy cat people, ’cause no man is gonna wanna bang her,” Nicole said scathingly.
Toni took hold of Nicole’s arm and edged her forward. “Come on, let’s go to the park. I nicked some of my mum’s fags this morning.”
Linking her arm through Toni’s, Nicole looked back at Jessie thoughtfully for a second before turning back to Toni with a wide smile. “Cool. Let’s see if Paul and the gang have some Baby Sham.”
“See you later, loser!” Claire said spitefully, as she threw Jessie’s bag to the ground and laughed as a pile of books spewed out onto the pavement. The rest of the girls cheered and clapped as if they could sense they had made Jessie feel like a worthless piece of nothing. Sniggering, they fell in line behind Toni and Nicole, seemingly taking pleasure in their sadistic behaviour.
Jessie bent down and began gathering her books together, looking up briefly as Toni turned towards her. She saw an almost pained look of sympathy in her eyes as Toni discreetly mouthed the word sorry, before taking off with her friends and running down the street like a pack of lawless wolves.
Jessie fiercely tried to blink back the tears that threatened to fall, as Toni’s words replayed themselves over and over in her mind. That’s just the way life is.
Chapter 2
A male voice boomed from the radio’s speakers, informing listeners of yet another day of rising temperatures.
“Great.” Jessie sighed. She was already starting to overheat in the grey jumper she wore. She stared absent-mindedly through the kitchen window and out into the small back garden with its overgrown grass. It was her job to keep it to a minimum but it was evident she’d failed miserably.
Jessie’s mum, Claudia, bustled into the kitchen with a cup of coffee in one hand and a hair brush in the other that was frantically attempting to tame her thick mane of auburn hair. Her mum’s long pinched face, always seemed to hold a pained expression, as if she were somehow suffering internally.
“I hope you’re going to eat something this morning.”
Jessie popped the last remaining orange segment into her mouth. “I am – fruit.” She held up the orange peels as evidence, before walking over to the bin and dropping them in it.
“You eat like a bird. You’re going to end up in hospital at this rate.”
Jessie grunted and rolled her eyes. “I very much doubt it.”
“That’s the problem with kids these days. You all have it too easy. There are children who are starving out there...” She put down her cup and hair brush then began, almost mechanically, dropping her personal belongings that were strewn across the worktop into her bag.
Jessie silently mimicked her mum’s morning mantra. It was the same every day. How fortunate she was to have something to eat. To have a roof over her head. To have this, to have that. In all honesty, Jessie wouldn’t mind becoming a starving homeless person just to have some peace and quiet. If she wasn’t being picked on at school she was getting an earful at home from her mum. She felt stuck between a rock and a hard place. Sometimes she wished she could just go and lay in a field and die. To put an end to it all. She thought she might have done if it wasn’t for Toni. Though things weren’t ideal between them it was better than having nothing.
She opened her satchel and slid her fingers over the letter she had spent most of the night crafting. She’d poured her heart and soul into every word she wrote. With every stroke of the pen, she had laid herself bare.
Claudia clasped her hands together in front of her. “Well, if that’s all you’re eating, get yourself in the car. I don’t want to be late for work.”
Work. That was all her mum seemed to care about lately. She was either at work or talking about it. Jessie could understand in a way – it was all she had. Jessie’s dad was involved in the aeroplane industry, travelling the world selling private jets to billionaires. Ever since he’d got a big job promotion, he was hardly around. But when he was, she treasured their moments together.
He always made time for her, taking her out to fancy restaurants and sharing his stories about all the people he met and talked with. From sheiks to presidents – her dad had encountered all sorts. She couldn’t understand why her mum was always shouting at him when he came home. Didn’t she realise she was making him miserable and, in turn, Jessie as well?
The short drive to school was equivalent to a criminal making their way to the gallows, or so Jessie thought. At least there was an end in sight for a criminal. At sixteen, Jessie still had at least another six months of secondary school to get through. She couldn’t bear to think about what hell college and university held for her.
Claudia brought her car to an abrupt standstill outside the three story stone building and twisted around in her seat to face Jessie. “Have a good day, sweetheart.”
“I will,” Jessie said, as she leaned over and dutifully dropped a light kiss on her mum’s cheek. “See you later.”
There must have been something in Jessie’s tone that caused her mum to grip her hand as she tried to unbuckle her seat belt.
“Everything is alright, isn’t it, Jessie?”
Jessie turned to her and tried to keep her eyes level with her mum’s. She could feel the heat rising to her cheeks as her mum’s eyes searched her own.
“Of course it is. Why wouldn’t it be?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t want to bring this up, but I’m a bit worried about you. You only ever seem to hang around with Toni, and when she is around you both spend all of your time in your bedroom. You don’t go to any parties or ... have a boyfriend,” she added quietly.
She knows nothing then. “Most mums would be pleased to have a daughter who wasn’t a constant worry for them.”
“I am, believe me I am. I just worry that you’re lonely. What with me at work most of the day and your dad away on business trips...”
“No, Mum, I’m not lonely. I’ve got my books.”
“Books can’t compete with real human contact, sweetheart,” Claudia said sadly as she squeezed Jessie’s hand.
Jessie smiled a bright genuine smile that came all the way from her heart and which seemed to allay her mum’s concerns. “Believe me, Mum, I have more than enough human contact. Look, I’ve got to go.”
Before her mum could say another word, Jessie unclipped her seatbelt, opened the door, jumped out of the car and cut across the small grass patch that led to the school entrance. She said her daily prayer under her breath. “Please, God, help me get through another day.”
Chapter 3
Jessie was grateful that English was the first lesson of the day. It was the only class she had when Toni wasn’t surrounded by Nicole and the rest of her friends. As Jessie walked into the classroom, Toni looked up from her book and smiled at her. Jessie’s heart turned over in response. If it wasn’t for the fact that she only had those symptoms when Toni was nearby, she would have gone straight to A&E, convinced there was something wrong with her heart.
